


is it better to have loved?

by AliceInIdolLand



Series: 100 things we sort of needed (100 prompts challenge) [3]
Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angels, F/F, Love, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 02:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15378381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceInIdolLand/pseuds/AliceInIdolLand
Summary: Perhaps it was better to have loved, to have lost, to have all the things she had never thought she’d ever do? She couldn't be sure until it was done.Alternately titled  'guilty? farewell party'





	is it better to have loved?

Dark, the room continued to be dark. A pitch black, much like the night of a new moon, filled Yoshiko’s vision. Inky blackness seemed to be a fitting end, Yoshiko thought. She had been far from pure in her life so it would be a fitting end.

Just as she had resigned herself to sitting in the dark, a voice called out to her.

“Hey, open your eyes.”

The words were familiar somehow as if Yoshiko had heard them so many times throughout her life. She couldn’t recall such an event, so maybe it was the voice…?

“Open your eyes!”

Yoshiko opened her eyes and it was bright. Blinking a few times to adjust to the new light, she frowned.

Blonde and blinding like she had always been, an old friend stood right in front of her.

“Mari.”

Laughing, Mari nodded her head. “I’m glad you still remember me!”

“Of course I do,” Yoshiko replied as she averted her eyes. “There’s no way I could forget.” A wave of sadness washed over her words, making her uncertain of what to do next. Biting her lip to have something to do, she thought about what to say next.

“Besides, you look the same as you always did.” she settled upon, mostly because the words were the truth.

Mari smiled. “Yes, I do,” she said because she couldn’t deny it.

Mari looked the same as she had all those years ago, since the days of Aqours the school idols. Even though years had passed, years Yoshiko had counted day by day, the blonde was as youthful as ever.

“You look different. How long has it been?” Mari asked as if she didn't know the number by heart.

“Um, let’s see…” Yoshiko pretended to think about it as if she didn’t have the digits engraved in her mind. “About 10 or so, I think.”

Mari nodded, taking in the information and accepting Yoshiko’s need for thought. “What have you been doing since I last saw you?”

“Oh, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Nothing too special.” By that, she meant nothing at all. After high school, Yoshiko had seized up and stopped functioning. Even though she grew older every second, she had never found it in her to change herself and her life goal. Perhaps that had become the reason she was here now.

“And what have you been doing?” Yoshiko asked, careful not to tack Mari’s name to the end of her sentence. The word seemed too bitter for her to say it twice in a matter of minutes, especially after avoiding it for years.

“I’ve been here, as you can see.” the blonde replied, gesturing at the clouds, the light, the smallest tints of blue where a sky could peek out between the clouds but didn’t dare to.

She didn’t say much more than that, nor did she make reference to the white gown she wore. The pair of wings adorning her back weren't mentioned either, for better or for worse.

Yoshiko couldn’t bring herself to ask about these new, foreign things. She couldn’t bring herself to do much, really, rather than stare and absorb all these things.

Mari waited. It could have been seconds or hours, both lost track of the time. Eyes averted from each other, they stayed silent, in a proximity closer than they had been in forever. Both would almost call it nice, except they couldn’t look at what they wanted to see most. Although neither would dare say it, the pain of separation had grown larger with every second. It hurt far too much for an immediate change to occur now.

After much too long, but still impossibly short a time, Mari’s head moved and her eyes shot open.

Her alert expression, Yoshiko still found her recognizing it after all this time. She smiled, soft and shallow like the trickles of tears that she used to cry.

The blonde frowned, ever so slightly. “I’m supposed to take you now.”

“Okay.”

“You won’t see me again after this.”

“I know.”

“It’s…” she hesitated, wondering if she should say what was on her mind. Yoshiko had a right to know, she decided, and so the words poured out of her like a waterfall. “It was my decision to come to see you this last time. It’s only fair, especially after what happened.”

Yoshiko blinked. A confession, admitting she had been wrong in the past. The words sounded strange as if they were foreign noises to her ears.

“We weren’t supposed to… to do what did and… I’m sorry that you had to live with it.” The words Mari settled upon were basic, but she had no other way to say the things she needed to. “I’m sorry,” she repeated as if saying it again would make it truer than it had been before.

Tilting her head, Yoshiko blinked some more. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

“I… don’t?”

“I don’t regret a thing. I loved you with my whole heart and, as long as you loved me with yours, there’s nothing to be sorry for.” Although she spoke as if her attraction has disappeared, that was far from the truth. Those were the only words she would allow herself to say, admitting to any more would be cruel. She'd rather have her heart ache than hurt Mari any more.

Silent for a moment, Mari thought. “Of course. I loved you with everything I had, Yoshiko, you know I did.” And it was true, she had, and she still did. Although her heart had never been hers to give, Mari had passed it to Yoshiko, asking her to keep it safe in return for Yoshiko’s own.

Yoshiko nodded, content. Even now, even as she hoped for more, she knew this was it. This would be all she would get, all she could get from her love now.

“Now, we have to go.”

“Go?” With the sudden reunion and all, Yoshiko had forgotten where she was.

“Yes, go. We’ve waited much too long.” Walking closer, the blonde took her hand.

Warm, Yoshiko thought, even as Mari pulled her towards a door, as she grabbed the handle of it.

Just before she could open it, she stopped and turned back. “Listen, Yoshiko, this really is goodbye.”

“Yeah,” she replied, dark hair swishing as she nodded. “I know.”

It was now that they both looked up, staring each other right in the eye. Both hesitated, unsure of whether they should say anything. What words would even be appropriate in a situation like this? Neither knew the correct answer.

“I-”

“Goodbye.” Yoshiko interrupted, stopping Mari from saying anything more.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Mari realized it felt right. “Goodbye to you too.”

With a determined nod from Yoshiko, Mari opened the door and the room flooded itself with light.

It was bright now, a pure white. Yoshiko found herself alone in the light, but she didn’t seem to be afraid, nor was she sad. A soft smile settled upon her lips. Content, she was content now. Perhaps there was something she had forgotten from when she had been alive? It no longer mattered, not here. The contentedness of the brightest light proved to be enough for her.

From elsewhere, Mari observed the purification process. To forget about your previous life and become and angel, that was the purpose of this place in the clouds. Yoshiko, her dear Yoshiko, would join her in the sky. Perhaps she would learn to love Mari again, maybe she would find someone else to be special to her in this world.

If only Mari, an angel, hadn’t fallen in love with a human, things would not have turned out this way. Yoshiko wouldn’t have been so sad, wouldn’t have died so early, wouldn’t have been given this fate. Mari still felt guilty for it, of course she did. For loving her, for leaving her, for thinking about her even though she was gone, Mari was guilty of all these things.

Although, perhaps it was better to have loved, to have lost, to have all the things she had never thought she’d ever do. With a large sigh, Mari closed her eyes and turned away from the love of her life. There was nothing left to do now besides wait.

Either way, Yoshiko had said she shouldn’t be sorry. Therefore, she wouldn’t be.

**Author's Note:**

> YohaMari ♡♡♡
> 
> But really, I've been having writer's block for Love Live, so what better way to get over it than with YohaMari? For once, this was actually meant to be a sadder story, and I'm happy with the way it turned out. With them both as angels, perhaps they can both be happy without feeling guilty~


End file.
